Two Words for the Lions: Pa Thetic

Our biggest problem with the Lions, I think, is that we're getting the worst of all possible worlds: we're getting one of the truly pathetic teams of all times...but without anything redeeming about them to make them loveable.

For a cross-sport comparison, let's contrast our situation with those of our neighbors in Chicago: the Cubs have made a tradition out of failure...but their fans still love them. There is, after all, something unique about rooting for a baseball team that everyone knows will fail in the end. And yet the fact of their inevitable failure draws people together, an exercise in hope as well as human camaraderie.

Here in Detroit, the situation is a source of anger: the Lions are many things...but loveable isn't one of them. There is little endearing about the way they chew up coaches and quarterbacks...and their draft choices have left people scratching their heads for years. They lose not by being adorably bad...but by making ill-timed mistakes and using badly conceived game plans, not dreadful enough to be pitied and cheered, but just untalented enough to be dreadful.

This year, though, they may crossed a line...or, more precisely, pushed their long-suffering fans across a line. But it's not the line from bad to loveable...making losing enough of a time-honored tradition to become the football equivalent of the Cubbies...or the '62 Mets. Rather, they pushed their erstwhile supporters across the line from angry frustration...to indifference.

There is much wrong with the team...and the town it hails from. Indifference isn't going to make either better. But given the chronic indifference shown by the team's management through the years---much like the self-dealing politicians who have driven Motown into the ground---it's a wonder that anyone really cares any more.

The hottest selling Lions apparel consists of T-shirts making fun of the team. Perhaps ridicule can succeed where loyalty and patience failed...but I, for one, am not holding my breath.

Neither, it appears, can some others:
We Are of Michigan


JEFFREY CAMINSKY, a veteran public prosecutor in Detroit, Michigan, specializes in the appellate practice of criminal law and writes on a wide range of topics. His books include the science fiction adventure novel The Star Dancers, the exciting second volume in the Guardians of Peace-tm series, The Sonnets of William Shakespeare, and the acclaimed Referee’s Survival Guide, a book on soccer officiating. All are published by New Alexandria Press, and are available on Amazon, as well as directly from the publisher.

Perfection!!

To paraphrase President Gerald Ford...our long municipal nightmare is over.

The Detroit Lions, ever seeking the cutting edge of futility, managed to do the impossible yesterday: in a league which drives all teams toward parity, the Lions managed a uniquely Motown version of perfection, falling to the Green Bay Packers in the season finale...and becoming the first team in NFL history to lose all sixteen of its games in a single season.

There have been pretenders...including the Lions themselves, in previous incarnations. But most of them---including the immortal 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who set the previous low-water mark at 0-14---were expansion teams. The Lions managed the feat after a long and storied tradition...of losing, since the end of the glory days in the late 1950s and early 1960s.

Not that it was an easy task: many times, the team seemed on the verge of victory, only to snatch defeat at the last moment. Whether through untimely penalties, misplayed defense, or a quarterback merry-go-round that seemed almost intended to keep the team in a state of flux, the coaches and players pulled together (in different directions, granted; but it was often at the same time...or, at least, within minutes of each other) to keep victory at bay.

And, in the end...perfection.

In a year filled with so much hatred, at least we can appreciate the gift the Lions gave to all of us...the gift of laughter.

Of course...laughter isn't exactly what most football fans look for in a team. But like following politics and current events...following the Lions is not for the faint of heart, and anyone who can't laugh at it all is apt to drive himself crazy.

So...
Laughter is their legacy
Losing is their fame;
Nothing is beyond belief
For Lions and their game.


JEFFREY CAMINSKY, a veteran public prosecutor in Detroit, Michigan, specializes in the appellate practice of criminal law and writes on a wide range of topics. His books include the science fiction adventure novel The Star Dancers, the exciting second volume in the Guardians of Peace-tm series, The Sonnets of William Shakespeare, and the acclaimed Referee’s Survival Guide, a book on soccer officiating. All are published by New Alexandria Press, and are available on Amazon, as well as directly from the publisher.