Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Surviving Attacks by Crazed Gunmen: The Politically Correct Guide

If faced with a crazed gunman:
(1) Immediately run to the nearest Gun Free Zone. This will stop the attack, since any armed attacker will be unable to follow you.

(2) If he does follow you, point forcefully to the sign designating the Gun Free Zone. This will remind the attacker that guns are not allowed, and that he will have to leave.

(3) If he does not leave, point again and ask whether he saw the sign. You may ask this question multiple times, in an increasingly insistent tone of voice. (Do not ask if he can read English, however, as this may be considered insensitive and racist.)

(4) In the unlikely event that this does not work, and it appears that the attacker still intends to kill you, you have the option of leaving the Gun Free Zone and proceeding to any nearby place where armed good guys are present.

(5) Survivors should make broad generalizations concerning "doing something" about gun violence. In doing so, you should avoid limiting your suggestions to dealing with armed criminals, since this is a coded assertion of privilege and may be deemed discriminatory.

JEFFREY CAMINSKY, a retired public prosecutor from Michigan, writes on a wide range of topics. His books include the Guardians of Peace-tm science fiction adventure series, The Sonnets of William Shakespeare, and the acclaimed Referee’s Survival Guide, a book on soccer officiating. All are published by New Alexandria Press, and are available on Amazon, as well as directly from the publisher.

1 comment:

Jeff Caminsky said...

(I have to give a h/t to TheFederalistPapers.org: this piece is adopted from one of their postings; I just tweaked the language a bit.)