Thursday, May 30, 2013

Modern Fables: Tool Maintenance

One day, after a long day of shopping with her friend Joanne, Ethyl came home and was horrified to find her husband, Frank, in bed with a gorgeous younger woman.

After hurling objects of various size and breakability at him, she turned to storm out of the house and head off to Joanna’s house, when she was stopped at the door by her husband, clad in his oversized terrycloth bathrobe.

Turning angrily, Frank managed to deflect her fist and, holding her tightly to minimize the danger to himself, he insisted on explaining what he described as a big misunderstanding.

“It’s actually kind of funny, if your really think about it,” Frank said, keeping a tight hold on Ethyl’s fist. “But when I was driving home I saw this young girl --- looking all poor and tired --- so I offered her a ride. And as we drove, she told me she was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.

“Well, her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you never wear because you don’t like them. You know, the red high heels I gave you for your Christmas last year --- the ones you insist make your legs look fat?

“Anyway, she was also cold, so I gave her that new birthday sweater you refused to wear because the color clashed with your eyes. And her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that haven’t worn in five years. You know, the black ones that you keep saying are too tight.”

“That doesn’t explain what she was doing in bed with you!” Ethyl hollered.

“Well,” Frank said sheepishly, “as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?

“And, so here we are….”

And of course, the moral of this story is:

Since tools can turn rusty from disuse, wise owners will clean and polish them regularly.

JEFFREY CAMINSKY, a retired public prosecutor from Michigan, writes on a wide range of topics. His books include the Guardians of Peace-tm science fiction adventure series, The Sonnets of William Shakespeare, and the acclaimed Referee’s Survival Guide, a book on soccer officiating. All are published by New Alexandria Press, and are available on Amazon, as well as directly from the publisher. His series on "Modern Fables" are adapted from a variety of sources...from Aesop to the Interet...and retold in what he intends to be an engaging and humorous manner.

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