Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Modern Fables: The Pastor's Ass

One day the pastor of a small rural church saw a donkey staggering along the road leading into to town. The lost animal could barely walk and it looked starved, its ribs nearly poking through its sides. Taking pity on the poor creature, the Pastor brought it back to his church, where the nuns and children of the parish lovingly adopted the animal, and nursed it back to health. Soon it was romping freely around the grounds of the parish, delighting in giving rides to the children and relishing the attention it received from everyone.

A few weeks later, the Pastor watched the donkey as it raced from one end of the church grounds to the other, and was amazed at how fast the creature could run. And so the following week he entered the animal in the donkey race at the Town Fair. As he and his parishioners cheered him on, the donkey won easily, braying merrily at all the attention.

Everyone was so pleased that the next month, the Pastor entered the donkey in the race at the County Fair. Once again, their donkey easily beat all comers, and the following day an article in the local paper read: “PASTOR'S ASS BEATS ALL.”

Reading the paper over breakfast, the Bishop was so shocked that he sputtered coffee all over his tea and toast. By lunchtime, he’d become so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey the race at the State Fair. And so the next day the headline in the local paper read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS."

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. Tearfully, the Pastor gave his beloved animal to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.”

The Bishop fainted and, upon recovering, the Bishop ordered the nun to get rid of the donkey, and so she sold it to a farmer for the nominal sum of $1.

The next day the headline read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR A DOLLAR.”

This was too much for the Bishop, and so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains, where it could run to its heart’s content, and no longer be an embarrassment to the Church. And the next day the headline read: “NUN’S ASS NOW WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the following day; and two days later, the donkey returned to its home in the parish, where it remains to this day.

The moral of the story is . . .

Being concerned about what everyone else thinks can bring you much grief and misery…and maybe even shorten your life.

So stop worrying about everyone else's ass: you’ll be a lot happier, and maybe live longer.

Just be yourself, and enjoy life.

JEFFREY CAMINSKY, a retired public prosecutor from Michigan, writes on a wide range of topics. His books include the Guardians of Peace-tm science fiction adventure series, The Sonnets of William Shakespeare, and the acclaimed Referee’s Survival Guide, a book on soccer officiating. All are published by New Alexandria Press, and are available on Amazon, as well as directly from the publisher.

1 comment:

Jeff Caminsky said...

I wish I could take credit for this story, but it's just an adaptation of one I've heard before...usually from a friend. I do like the sentiment, though...and I do think my "re-write" adds a touch of whimsy (though I suspect that it's likely to exist mostly in my own imagination).