Thinking Outside the Box

As we face our current economic crisis, there is one obvious solution to all of our problems that appears to have escaped everyone's attention. It is far simpler than the ones presently being debated in Washington these days, but poses much less of a risk to our future well-being. And, from the looks of things, it stands just as good a chance of making things better, without carrying the added risk of sacrificing our principles for the sake of expediency.

If we simply sacrificed a virgin instead, we'd be doing no real harm to the economy. In fact, by diverting attention away from some of the counterproductive measures currently under consideration, we might actually help things along. And this could easily be turned into a "two-fer" kind of solution, since it would be just as effective at combatting Climate Change (nee Global Warming) as anything the High Priests are currently trumpeting, and far less costly.

And just thinking ahead, hoping to avoid any obvious pitfalls in the plan...in the event that we have problems locating a virgin, we could probably substitute a goat. Or, if we were really serious, a sheep. If I understand the protocol, goats and sheep don't have to be virgins. Historically, the fact that they had to spend so much time hobnobbing with Greek herders in the Good Old Days meant that the requirement simply never occurred to anybody). That's why they're the customary substitute in cultures where virgins are largely unavailable.

JEFFREY CAMINSKY, a veteran public prosecutor in Detroit, Michigan, specializes in the appellate practice of criminal law and writes on a wide range of topics. His books include the science fiction adventure novel The Star Dancers, the exciting second volume in the Guardians of Peace-tm series, The Sonnets of William Shakespeare, and the acclaimed Referee’s Survival Guide, a book on soccer officiating. All are published by New Alexandria Press, and are available on Amazon, as well as directly from the publisher.